The Full Kiltie Code
Think of this along the lines of “Gibbs Rules”. There are those that are hard set in concrete (the 10 commandments), and the rest that are ever growing, ever evolving like the group.
The 10 Commandments
- If two kilties know the same story, the kiltie who is lesser known among the party or group shall tell it.
- Never drink the last beer at another kiltie’s house.
- Older kilties are a resource. Find a chief and accept his wisdom. This will make you a better kiltie.
- Do not throw a fellow kiltie under the bus to impress others.
- You shall provide pizza and beers for any kilties that help you move. Those who help you move shall have the right to choose the beer.
- If you help a fellow kiltie move, and he abides by Item 5, you shall choose his type beer to toast his new home.
- Thou shalt not hit a kiltie in the balls and claim it was a joke.
- If a kiltie is telling a story, you shall not one-up him.
- We were all new to being a kiltie at one time. Always invite new kilties to hang with the group.
- Your favorite dram is free. If your fellow kiltie offers you a dram, you shall not bitch that it isn’t your brand. This applies to all manner of alcohol.
- NEVER, and I do mean NEVER, let a kiltie leave the pub pissed (or in US vernacular, drunk) to drive. Space must always be found or made for a drunk kiltie who needs to leave. If necessary, the theft of phone and keys shall be done for his own good.
- Kilties can & will talk shit to each other, but they shall never mean it.
- A Kiltie shall always defend other kilties in all manner of social gatherings. Kilties may be able to talk shit about each other, but non-kiltes shall not.
- While Kilties may talk shit about each other in groups, away from the group, kilties shall always speak the best of another kitlie.
- A kiltie shall defend the honor of any fellow kiltie’s wife or girlfriend.
- Alcohol is a form of currency.
- No grudges. You talk or fight out your differences then have a beer and get over it.
- Chill out. It’s really not such a big deal. This statement applies to pretty much everything, at any time.
- If it makes for a good story – do it.
- Should a kiltie dies, delete his internet history.
- If a kiltie dies while lifting, put more weight on the bar, then call 911.
- NEVER use the urinal directly next to another man unless absolutely necessary, and for the love of all that is holy, do not speak to him.
- A kiltie shall always be allowed to make amends for his actions.
- The way of the kilt is sacred, cherish it like a sect or cult. The kilt life is like being in Jedi training camp. You must always show fellow kilties love and be joyous when love is shown to you.